Have you felt like you just wanted to quit?, start over?, have a re do?

 

A while ago I felt just that way and I wrote a post about it, I even shared it with a few people, but I held back when it came to sharing it publicly.  I want to say it was because I didn’t want to be misunderstood as whining or being a complainer, but really, at the heart of it I didn’t want to be vulnerable.  At least not publicly.  Funny thing is, that is exactly what I encourage others to do, to be brave,  in spite of how we feel, and to be honest.  So  That’s what I’m sharing with you.  How I wanted to quit, and how making a choice about it changed everything!  This was that post………………

 

I wanted to Quit today.  

 

Perhaps I am just grumpy because I didn’t make it to Photoshop World, or that I haven’t been getting to the work I know has to get done to get closer to my goals. Maybe I just brushed my teeth in the wrong order, whatever it was it left me in a serious slump.  Not your average “I’m feeling down” slump either.  I mean really, after years of working toward being an independent creative and “pursuing “my passion, I sat here at a loss.  A loss to understand why my sustained activity to reach my goals has not yet resulted in the magic pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for everyone who believes in themselves and wants to live their dreams.  You know, all the well-intended advice to just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  You can do it, just believe in yourself.  Honestly,  the whole Idea has begun to get a bit sour.   After all I am an adequately talented artist, some would even say I’m gifted.  If gifted means I’ve tried and tried and tried some more, practiced and prodded and studied to satisfy my deep desire to be the best I can be, then I might agree.   I have a natural ability to create connections and friendships and to develop, or at least contribute to, wonderful active communities both online and in real life.  I understand business and marketing and the how and why of clients buying behaviour. And I have had many successes along this journey and yet that one element, the missing link, the ability to string together the successes, the sessions, the clients – the ability to do more than make “not quite enough” has eluded me.

 

” I sat here at a loss. “

 

Heaven forbid I should ever be honest and let others know I’m not always wildly successful and living the dream every day and I actually don’t  have it all figured out, but then again, I suspect you already knew that.

 

 

I’ve been here before.  In the past, with different endeavours. Different circumstances.  I know this feeling. Feeling like I failed……again.  In the past I decided to pack it in and “re-invent” myself.  Begin a new path and begin digging for that new promised treasure, the freedom to be self-employed and financially stable if not financially well off.  I can think of a ton of reasons why I should do that again.  But today is going to be different.  Today I choose to push through my doubts, to push through my fears and to ask the tough questions about what obstacles are in my way.

 

” Today I choose to push through my doubts”

 

Today I will choose to draw from the experience of my past.  What were once failures have become lessons. Lessons of things that worked and just as important, of things that didn’t.  If I am going to be in this place: a photographer, a mentor, guide and teacher, father husband, friend……..   I AM going to be the best I can be.  NOT because I’ve never failed, but precisely because I have failed. I have made big glorious mistakes and I have learned the most valuable lessons of all.  How to overcome adversity.  How  to pick myself up, dust myself off and how to ask the difficult questions about how I will not merely survive it, but how I will become wonderfully victorious over it.

 

Nothing sums it up quite as powerfully as this quote by Theodore Roosevelt,

 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

 

 

So, today I am putting it out there, laying it bare and letting you in on the journey I’m travelling.  I sense deep down I am at “The Tipping Point” and I choose to continue digging. I have not failed and I am not quitting.  The only way to fail is to not try.  I’m going to  keep working toward my goals and to wholeheartedly embrace the journey.  After all, I am the one always preaching, “It’s about the journey, not the destination”.  I’m going to keep it real and I’m inviting you to join me.

 

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” 

George Bernard Shaw

 

 

P.S.  Since I first wrote that post, I have had  life changing , exciting, opportunities arrive in my lap.  I believe this post was the declaration of faith that began a process that opened me up to receive them.

 

More to follow…………